


Wanting

by Anonymous



Category: Neopets
Genre: Backstory, F/F, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 14:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20707412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Illusen hates Jhudora irrationally, but good luck getting her to admit it.





	Wanting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Welsper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/gifts).

Jhudora and Illusen never liked each other. Even when they tolerated each other enough to live on the same land, they didn’t get on, and really, it wasn’t a strange thing. Jhudora didn’t get on with anybody but her prized petpets and sometimes Fyora. Even the other Dark Faeries were wary of her, because Jhudora embraced bitterness and viciousness from her earliest days, and delighted in it.

So it’s easy to explain why Jhudora and Illusen don’t like each other. It’s a little harder to explain why they hate each other so much that Illusen jumped at the chance to move all the way to Meridell just to be that little bit farther away from her, even when Jhudora had carved her own place on the outskirts of Faerieland so she wouldn’t have to be bothered with others. 

Illusen insists to everyone who will listen that it’s because Jhudora did something terrible, and no one even thinks to disbelieve her, because Jhudora is a Dark Faerie, a predator by design, and has never pretended to be anything that she isn’t. 

And then Illusen, even among Earth Faeries, who are known for being loving creatures, is especially lovely, all gentle smiles and easy kindness. 

She is disgustingly good in the way that Jhudora is joyfully _bad_, and Jhudora has always had a difficult time believing that Illusen really is that good. No, Jhudora has never believed that Illusen is that good. She finds it terribly surprising that anyone else does, especially after they hear what Illusen has to say about Jhudora, that Jhudora did a terrible thing but it couldn’t be proven and that’s why she wasn’t banished. 

It’s a silly story that betrays only a deep distrust. If Jhudora had truly done something so terrible that she should’ve been banished, Fyora would’ve taken Illusen’s word for it.

But she didn’t. Or, rather, she didn’t think Jhudora was so terrible.

Illusen did tell Fyora what Jhudora had done, that she’d caught her making a potion that they were all forbidden to brew—Jhudora knows that because she was there, bristling as Illusen accused her of a thousand things she was never going to do, torture and murder and _couldn’t Fyora see that that was who she was, a menace_—but Fyora told her that it wasn’t enough. Jhudora wasn’t actually planning to kill anyone, right? To dethrone her? 

Jhudora, of course, said no. To her credit, she was telling the truth.

(Jhudora likes making things. She likes pushing boundaries. She likes being mean. But she doesn’t have much interest in true destruction, in dethroning and war. The citizens of Neopia think she’s like Dr. Sloth, but smarter, and she only lets them. 

Bad things happen because bad things happen, and Illusen lets everyone believe that Jhudora did them, and Jhudora lets everyone believe that too, because it amuses her, and because Fyora knows the truth.)

Illusen refused to give her that credit, of course, refused to believe that Jhudora wasn’t pure evil just because she’d never been interested in being anyone’s friend, and only stopped yelling when Jhudora pointed out that _you must think Fyora’s a bit of an idiot, then, if you’re so sure she’s wrong about me,_ and Illusen flushed red and stormed out. 

After that day, both of them knew that they’d never be anything but enemies, and they embraced it. 

Illusen hates Jhudora because she doesn’t trust her, and because she’s jealous. She hasn’t ever said that, but Jhudora is sure of it. 

Jhudora thinks that what Illusen really hates is the idea that she could do bad things and not be punished for it. She could do what she wanted like Jhudora does what she wants, and as long as she didn’t _really _cross the line, she wouldn’t be banished. But she’s too much of a coward to really get what she wants, so she just hates Jhudora instead. 

Jhudora hates her because she might as well—someone like her needs an arch-nemesis, and Illusen’s overzealous loathing gives Jhudora power that she wouldn’t have were there not someone going around telling everyone she has power—and she can’t help but resent that Illusen wouldn’t have jumped to conclusions were Jhudora not a Dark Faerie. 

But at least she knows that she is Illusen’s one and only corrupting influence. She loves it.

The truth is that Illusen hates Jhudora _irrationally_, and that is not a good quality. Illusen is not so good, and it’s because of Jhudora.

It’s all Jhudora’s fault. 

It’s always all Jhudora’s fault. 

(It hurts her, sometimes. She doesn’t think about that much, the hurt, but she feels it. Illusen tried to be her friend, once, when they were young, because she tried to be everyone’s friend, but she didn’t try very hard. She’s never tried very hard when it comes to Jhudora, when it comes to understanding her. Jhudora spends a lot of time thinking about Illusen. Who Illusen is.

She thinks that Illusen probably spends a great deal of time thinking about what Jhudora isn’t.)

There’s a funny aspect to this hatred between them, though. It’s a hatred so deep and true that Jhudora thinks it’s the closest she’s ever been to being in love, and she’s sure that Illusen feels the same way. They never liked each other, but they always hated each other, and Jhudora sees how Illusen looks at her, as if Jhudora is the only thing that exists.

(Jhudora wonders what Illusen tastes like often. It’s a thought that comes out of nowhere, usually. 

Another thought that comes out of nowhere is _I wonder if Illusen wonders what I taste like too._)

One year, on Jhudora Day, and Jhudora is still both delighted and baffled that the day exists at all, Jhudora decides to take Illusen away. Not forever—that’s not who she is. Just for a little while. Just because. 

Because she wants. 

Something. She isn’t sure what. Maybe she just wants to see Illusen’s face. It’s been a while. 

She replaces Illusen with a cardboard cutout, and Illusen snarls at her but doesn’t for a moment seem to fear her as she stands in front of Jhudora in her big, empty home, and asks, “What was that for?”

Jhudora raises an eyebrow and says, “Aren’t I your arch-nemesis? It seemed like the thing to do. It’s my day, after all.” She smirks. “I’m very important, don’t you know? You certainly think I am.”

Illusen sneers at her. It looks ugly on her face, and Jhudora is the only being in Neopia who can make her ugly, and she’s very proud of that.

But the satisfaction is gone quickly, and Jhudora almost feels stupid, because she doesn’t know what that was for after all. She just made a decision in the spur of the moment, and now Illusen is here, and, “I just wonder, sometimes.” She doesn’t say anything else after that.

Illusen looks at her warily. “Wonder what?”

“I wonder what you want from me.” Jhudora is surprised at herself for saying that. She didn’t even know she was thinking it.

“What I want from you?” Illusen sputters. “What?”

Jhudora raises her eyebrows. It seems she’s touched a nerve. Out of nowhere, she thinks, _I wonder if Illusen wonders what I taste like too._

“Oh,” she says in a low voice. “I knew it.”

“Knew what?” Illusen asks.

“You do want me, don’t you?”

Jhudora expects Illusen to scream, to slap her, to laugh in her face. She expects to shrug it all off as the kind of villainous taunting Illusen likes to hear from her. 

Illusen kisses her instead, wet and bruising, her delicate hands grasping Jhudora’s arms so that her fingernails bite into her skin. 

Illusen tastes like sugar. 

Jhudora kisses back just as fiercely because she knows that this is probably the last time they’ll ever touch like this, or at least the last time in the foreseeable future, because Illusen will never admit that she liked this. She’ll never admit that some of that burning in her for Jhudora isn’t hatred. 

Illusen pulls away, and for a moment Jhudora looks into her green, green eyes and she sees someone real. She sees all of Illusen, the fierceness she reserves for Jhudora and the kindness she doesn’t. In Illusen’s eyes, Jhudora sees possibilities, but only for a second. Illusen pulls away harshly. She gives Jhudora a glare, as if she wasn’t the one who kissed first, and says, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

Jhudora laughs in her face. “How long have you wanted to do that?”

Illusen storms away, and Jhudora watches her go. 

She tells herself that, in the end, the kiss didn’t mean anything after all. At least, it didn’t mean anything Jhudora didn’t already know.

And it doesn’t mean anything is going to change. 

Jhudora accepts that. 

At least now she doesn’t have to wonder what Illusen tastes like anymore.


End file.
